Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Whew...that was a long time..

Hello friends... Is anyone still out there? Am I still in anyone's blog roll?

I wish I could tell you I have been off traveling the world or doing something equally as fantastically fun, but that is not the case.

Here is a little note I wrote about a month ago...

Depression is lonely
Depression is scattered
Depression is not sleeping
Depression is over eating
Depression is physical pain
Depression is intense emotions
Depression is putting a smile on when you aren't having any fun.
Depression is feeling alone and pushing everyone away
Depression is faking it but never really making it
Depression is tears and rage and dismal
Depression is yelling and screaming for no good reason
Depression is pushing your husband away but you don't want to be alone
Depression is a slippery slope into a chasm of empty
Depression is Me..

Four months ago while searching Dr. Google for the answer to my insomnia, I was regularly functioning on 3 to 4 hours of sleep day in and day out, I stumbled upon this quiz from our new health insurance.
I took the test for three days straight before I said a word to anyone. It took another 2 months before I saw the doctor. I am a fake it til you make it girl that was/is severly depressed. I had spent the last 3+ years thinking I could shake this off and nothing was shaking except my interest in life. I was embarassased by a label of weakness that I was placing on myself. Today I am on medicine and I am getting better slowly. I was at the bottom of a very deep hole and it will take some time to get out. I miss my life, I miss me, I miss being a part of the awseome things that God has given me. I'm sorry for my actions to myself but more importantly to others especially my family.

Life is too hard to do alone and we shouldn't give up. If you feeling these things or if you take the test and the results are not favorable seek out a doctor to help you. More than anything life is worth living fully.

Much Love....



Linds said...

you're still on my blogroll and are missed!

I've been going through A LOT with my family right now, plus the terrible threes, which are worse than the terrible twos. I've gone mental several times and am actually going to see a doctor/counselor soon b/c I think I may be slightly depressed. I'm so glad that you spoke up about what you're going through. A friend of mine recently told me that I would be surprised at the # of people who struggle with depression. Now that I have started asking questions I have realized that I have a TON of friends who are struggling with similar things.j I'll be praying for you!

Adriane said...

So glad you are still out there!! I seriously saw your blog in my blogroll and was like....where the heck has she been? Sounds like a rough ride. So glad you are on the upswing. Hope to read more posts from you! Could not believe how big your kiddos are - love the pics on the side bar!

Lindsay said...

I needed to read this today. I've been battling depression since the twins were around 4 months. I've been having a particularly difficult time recently and have just felt like I was the only person feeling the way that I do despite the amazing things that i have in my life.
Thank you for posting this.

I've missed reading your blog!! I haven't been writing in mine either but am trying to get back into it. I miss it.

Kate said...

Depression sucks. Feels like you never get rid of it, and it lurks underneath every smile. At least, that's how I feel.

Thanks for sharing your heart like this. I'm so glad to see you blogging again.


Anonymous said...

Wish I had known what you were going through, maybe we could have talked. I also went through a tough bout several years ago. I also thought I could fight my through it, that I was weak, that it would pass. But it was a living HELL! I finally got past it with the help of a counselor and medication. I am still on a maintenance dose today. Glad you are getting better. I'm here if you ever want to talk, or just want someone to listen who has also been there. Love -- Aunt Carolyn