Thursday, December 10, 2009

Decidedly Undecided

About this time last year I was learning to adjust to my life as a mama to three. My parents had recently left our home after staying with us for almost a month to help with Dade while I was in the hospital and then to just help wherever I needed them. I was in the throws of sleep deprivation some days not knowing how I was going to make it to the next day, hour or minute. Wondering how I would ever be able to take care of three children on my own, keep the laundry going, make dinner, shower daily. Obviously we made it, and I did get a shower EVERY day, but my oh my was it hard. Had you asked me then if I thought I would have more children I surely would have told you "NO!!" and in a moment of weakness and desperation added a few expletives to drive home my point.

At six months old when we took that fateful trip to the beach to see a dear friend graduate from college. After my dreadful night of sleeping in bed with one baby laying in my lap and propping one on a pillow next to me to get a mere 3 hours of sleep. My answer to the question, "Do you think you will have more?" Would have likely only have been expletives followed by a sheepish "no." I felt sad at six months that the girls weren't sleeping, were still spitting up A LOT, that I had to work, that Dade wasn't getting the attention that he needed, that he should have been potty trained by now (May of this year), like I was a failure.

Now 13 months into the ride, I'm kind of sad to think this could be the last time I see a baby of mine turn one, take their first steps, feed themselves, talk, sleep through the night. Am I ready to have a baby tomorrow? No. At the very least I have to wait 6 months due to new health insurance. Jon has always wanted 4 kids, I wanted 3. I prayed for twins so that I could have two pregnancies and be done. I remember talking about this with a friend turns out I was pregnant with the girls when we had that conversation. I am quickly warming to the idea of one more, but what if it's more than one, well that I can't come to grips with. Based on the timeline we are discussing and other factors to include the fact that we already have twins the chances are indeed higher.

Are you done adding to your family? What are some factors you considered when determining your family size? Haven't even started, how many do you think you want? Did you and your spouse differ in the number of children you want(ed)? Have you been "complete" for a while and wished you had added more?


Elizabeth said...

Are you done adding to your family?

Most definately NOT myself, but now I receive them in the way of grand children. One more son (a twin) still hasn't had any and I honestly pray for him to have twins.

What are some factors you considered when determining your family size?

Back then...income, ability to provide all they need.

Did you and your spouse differ in the number of children you want(ed)?

Not so much the number, we both wanted 2 when we were first married, a boy and a girl, but we got 3, hahaha, surprise! We differed as to when, I wanted to wait till after 25, he wanted to wait to 30, we had our first at 22 and the twins at 24. However, by 25, I could no longer have children, this was the beginning of my journey with tumors, thankfully benign, but involve blood and cause me to bleed out.

Have you been "complete" for a while and wished you had added more?

I had always wished we had 1 more so my daughter had a sister, but God had other plans.

Elizabeth said...

Sorry about question #1, don't know why I added the NOT...I am definately dne having children, LOL!

Anonymous said...

Sadly we are pretty much done. When my youngest (now 3) was born I was tired of being pregnant & sleep deprived & just all over frustrated. Each of mine is 1 1/2 years apart. I was wayyy tired of pregnancy. So when she was about 6 months old, in a moment of weakness & frustration, I made hubby get the snip. Now I would give anything in the world to have 1 more. It makes me sad sometimes but I figure what's meant to be happens.

The (Un)Experienced Mom said...

Yeah, I am sad when I think of the fact that I won't ever be pg again (I loved it!) or have the baby phase again. But in my mind, it's not a good enough reason for me to have another. With a rough pregnancy and postpartum depression, I think I wouldn't be able to handle another added to the mix. I'm sure I would find a way and if it happened, so be it, but not in the plans. Sad though, I know!

Curious to see where your thoughts lead you! ;-)


CJ said...

I want a girl, but is that reason enough to have another child because shouldn't it be you just want another child, whether boy or girl. what if its another boy? Would I secretly be mad the rest of my life, will I take it out on him? Not that that is fair, but would I? I dunno. I have to accept the possibility of me not having a girl and then maybe I can have another one. Right now, I just want a girl and if it's NOT garuteed, then NO more kids for me!

Not wanting to go and do the baby stage, sleep deprivation, expensive daycare all over again if its not a Girl! Do I sound horrible or WHAT?

Heather said...

Hi Heidi- Thanks for stopping by my blog.

My husband and I had always said we wanted 2-3 kids. After #2 was born, we thought we were done and gave away all our big items, other than her crib and changing table, and now we have decided that we aren't done. We are planning on #3 next year. I am kind of scared since we won't be able to afford daycare for 3 so I would have to be a stay at home mom. I am excited about being able to spend more time with the kids but still scared. Anyway, thanks for stopping by my blog. Your kids are adorable.

Lindsay said...

We are DONE! :0 We wanted 3 and got 4! My husband got the snip about 7 weeks after the twins were born! I am sad that I will never be pregnant again but we are happy, healthy and content - oh and just a wee bit busy!

garybauer848 said...

To our loving daughter:

We have learned so much about you reading this blog. We see a young women with such a sweet, sweet spirit and the heart of a mother who cares not only for her own family but, for other people and children who are hurting because of no fault of their own.

We love you and your family so much. You are a blessing to us and others. God has touched your spirit in a special way.

Love Mom and Dad