All Things Considered

I had the immense privilege to work from home yesterday, while my husband went to work. Our employer took away the President's Day holiday at the beginning of the month, I'm a little salty about it but I'll get over it. So, yes I umm worked from home with 3 children three and under, which if you read that properly means I didn't get much of anything done. Computer time is scarce at best and the time I did have I used to do my grocery shopping. Our day went alright I guess. The girls woke up for the day before the sun. They went down for their first nap at 9:30, at that time Dade and I watched The Incredibles, played Hi Ho! Cherry-O (no cheating with that one), folded laundry(and it got put away), and he tried on clothes for the wedding he is in March. All was going along swimmingly when afternoon nap times rolls around and my little ladies decide a battle of the wills is in store for me. Of, course since I had a laundry list of things to do. The afternoon pressed on I won the battle in that they did stay in their room. They won the battle since I put them in the same crib together to play.

All in all I wouldn't say the day was a complete loss and my thoughts ventured to thinking about more. I got this, I could surely handle one more little one to snuggle and love, teach colors to, play with, clean up after, wipe another butt.

Then it happened as I was making dinner.

I felt the urge.

The urge to go.

No big deal I'll just drop the noodles for the mac and cheese, there is plenty of time to make it to the bathroom.

Uh-Ohh

Yikes my muscles are failing me

(I have to get to the other side of the house and over the gate to the bathroom)

Shimmy Shimmy

Ouch! I stepped on a little person pirate

Lifting leg near impossible.

Relief

How did this happen? I kegeled (made-up?) during both of my pregnancies and did not delivery naturally. I thought my bladder of steel would retain some of its endearing qualities. I'm ok if I can't go out for a night of drinking, trust me I'm past it. I'm even ok if I have to use the facilities once or twice while I am at work. But no warning that "it's time" and then I'm going is so not cool.

So while rational people may contemplate can we financially support another child, do we have an adequate mode of transportation, enough room in our home, I'm asking could I handle another pregnancy and be left with even a shred of continence?

Decidedly Undecided

About this time last year I was learning to adjust to my life as a mama to three. My parents had recently left our home after staying with us for almost a month to help with Dade while I was in the hospital and then to just help wherever I needed them. I was in the throws of sleep deprivation some days not knowing how I was going to make it to the next day, hour or minute. Wondering how I would ever be able to take care of three children on my own, keep the laundry going, make dinner, shower daily. Obviously we made it, and I did get a shower EVERY day, but my oh my was it hard. Had you asked me then if I thought I would have more children I surely would have told you "NO!!" and in a moment of weakness and desperation added a few expletives to drive home my point.

At six months old when we took that fateful trip to the beach to see a dear friend graduate from college. After my dreadful night of sleeping in bed with one baby laying in my lap and propping one on a pillow next to me to get a mere 3 hours of sleep. My answer to the question, "Do you think you will have more?" Would have likely only have been expletives followed by a sheepish "no." I felt sad at six months that the girls weren't sleeping, were still spitting up A LOT, that I had to work, that Dade wasn't getting the attention that he needed, that he should have been potty trained by now (May of this year), like I was a failure.

Now 13 months into the ride, I'm kind of sad to think this could be the last time I see a baby of mine turn one, take their first steps, feed themselves, talk, sleep through the night. Am I ready to have a baby tomorrow? No. At the very least I have to wait 6 months due to new health insurance. Jon has always wanted 4 kids, I wanted 3. I prayed for twins so that I could have two pregnancies and be done. I remember talking about this with a friend turns out I was pregnant with the girls when we had that conversation. I am quickly warming to the idea of one more, but what if it's more than one, well that I can't come to grips with. Based on the timeline we are discussing and other factors to include the fact that we already have twins the chances are indeed higher.

Are you done adding to your family? What are some factors you considered when determining your family size? Haven't even started, how many do you think you want? Did you and your spouse differ in the number of children you want(ed)? Have you been "complete" for a while and wished you had added more?