Saturday, June 6, 2009

Now serving- A Heaping Helping of Guilt

On Thursday our nanny turned in her resignation. Her last day will be on the 29th. She was accepted into a wonderful nursing program that starts on the 30th and will require her to be a full-time student. Then Friday Dade kicked Brennan in the face. These two events have churned up some guilt in this mama.

I was prepared to start my search this month for new child care knowing that our nanny was leaving in August, but it was going to be on my terms and I could take my time. Now I feel like it's happening to fast. How will I know I have found the right person? I have to share my babies with someone else and then there is the constant nagging of not being able to stay at home, but not thinking I would do so good if I did stay at home. Feeling like I'm short changing my babies by not being there.
Then the kicking incident. WOW!! I realize he is two and can't always verbalize what he is feeling, but I wasn't there to bring correction, to explain why we don't do these things. Both Jon and I talked to him when we got home and recognized it was too late to punish him, but it makes my heart sad that I wasn't there. Not to mention Jon told me on IM and I freaked out that Brennan may be hurt. She was fine and didn't cry that much..

Somedays it's so hard to know your heart now lives outside of your chest. I love these kiddos so much..

Coralee (you can see her tooth)


1 comment:

Lindsay said...

Love the pictures - too funny!!

I'm sorry that you're feeling guilty right now. I think that they should include in the 'before you have children handbook' that guilt is going to be a constant in your life in one way or another after you have kids.